So far..

I read my last post and I realized that I may have been just a tad bit unfair. No, I still think the story forwards an evil patriarchal way of thinking; BUT it isn't alone. Christianity and Islam are not much better either- don't get me started about how Mary is merely a transitory vessel- someone to facilitate cultural reproduction. Interesting, that her most important role was to rear a son. Hmmm. Now that I think about it, I will definitely be writing about that. But not now. No time. :(
Try-outs for nationals are tomorrow. This is just another one of the many things I've been juggling. Basic run-down of my week:
Monday: Answer Anvil Research Guide Something.
Tuesday: Filipino Test, Math long test
Wednesday: 10 page research paper
Thursday: Filipino Quiz, Math activity
Friday: 5-page literary analysis paper on rice wine, midterms in lab.
Saturday-Sunday: Try-outs! (I hope I do well:D)
and for next week:
monday: quiz on 'faith, love and dr. lazaro', 'very old man with enormous wings' and 'fog horn', long test on 5 chapters of critical thinking and toulmin diagram on my research paper.
Fun, isn't it. Apples are my friends. :D

Rama and Sita

There's this framed picture of a man and a woman that hangs in our house in Zamboanga. They're in a forest-like area and the woman is sitting on the man's lap while he's sprawled across some kind of a rock. To make things even odder, their outfits are full of jewels. I never really questioned this picture though. It seemed natural. That was Rama and Sita. I have never been to a house of another Indian that doesn't have a picture of them in some form. My mom says it's good luck, a reminder of sorts. A reminder of what I never asked her.
Anyway, it makes me think now. What that picture represents is just so damn patriarchal. Sita's father, King Janaka, marries her off to Rama because, apparently, he was able to lift Shiva's bow. He's strong- that's good. He'll take care of weak, little Sita. When Rama's father has to banish him from the kingdom, Sita HAS to follow him because, what else is her duty as a wife?
Then, Ravana captures her and, of course, it's Rama to the rescue. Poor Sita is just going to sit in the garden and weep. When Rama finally defeats Ravana, he and Lakshmana go back to Ayodhya; but then the people question Sita's 'purity'. And get this, Rama banishes Sita! Wtf. Sita decides life isn't worth living and tries to kill herself. Brilliant. Of course, she is saved by this old guy who helps her raise her and Rama's twin sons, Kusa and Lava. Hmmm... that means that Rama was okay with Sita and even slept with her after the whole Ravana incident (she couldn't have been pregnant before that because the war lasted a while). His problems come up only after the people start to question her. Talk about male pride at its worst.
I might be reading just a bit too much into this; but seriously, it's just so damn oppressive! It was just so much easier to swallow when i was a little kid and it was presented so simply. Lakshmi (the goddess form of Sita) had herself reincarnated several times so she could be Vishnu's (the god form of Rama) wife in all his incarnations. I thought it was sweet then. Now I think it's desperate. I mean get a life- Laskmi is actually really beautiful. Vishnu is, well, let's just say he's purple.


Oh, umm, Lakshmi and Vishnu, please still bless me on Diwali, okay? It's not your fault. I think it's really the way the two of you were socialized...You're both victims of the system. We all are. (Seriously, everything I've asked for on Diwai has come true).

Missing me

I'm really not sure why I put this blog up. I don't think it's a matter of wanting the world to know who I am and what I think. I guess, right now, it's more cathartic than anything. It reminds me of high school- or at least, how I was in high school. I remember how much fun I had writing. I remember feeling good about the things I'd written; now, it's just weird. The words don't come easily anymore; what used to be water flowing downstream, is now my blood being squeezed out of my body. And when I do finally get some words out, it's just words. I don't feel anything about it. Nothing. They're empty and meaningless. Perhaps, I was able to put so much of myself in my writing then because I knew who I was. And I really think that's what I miss the most. Ever the narcissist, I miss Shiveena.

Almost

It actually just sank in a few minutes ago that I'm turning 17 in less than two days. I've never really put a lot of value on my birthday. I know that I don't magically grow older in one day. It's just a technicality, something to make the legalities a little easier. I guess it's just a little harder this year because when, in Robin's words, 'my dreams are at reach', I realize that some of them aren't really right for me anymore. And at the end of the day, it's really painful letting some of those dreams die. So much of what I've conceived myself to be is premised upon those things.

On a lighter note, we had debate training today. It was the first time since, I don't know, IISDC last November, when I felt good about a speech I gave. I'm happy to know I still feel the same rush. Honestly, it's like taking a ride on a rollercoaster- there's still this adrenaline rush when i surrender myself to the judgment of the adjes. I might have my notes; but at the end of the day, I'm all alone up there and I have only my logic to get me through seven minutes.

I actually have a blog (2)

I actually have a blog... Hahaha! it sounds familiar; but this time I mean it. I can't believe that six months have passed since I wrote the first 'I have a blog entry'. Even looking back at the banner seems surreal, I miss my 'And She Says...' days. They were stressful; but it was a fun kind of stressful. Or maybe, it's just that way in hindsight. I'm not sure.

It's odd missing home, but not knowing where home is anymore. All I know is that it's not where it used to be.

I have a blog!

I have a blog! Finally, after months of envying Gio, Tara, Vicky, Trisha, etc., I have a blog! Yay for me! hahaha... I should be studying Trig and Econ, making my morality and physics stuff; but what am I doing? Blogging! Happy day.